HERE ON THE BIG ISLAND
By Kelly Moran
What They Really Mean?
It’s Springtime, and I’m feeling so good, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
When you see an ad for a property, consider that the words might not mean what you think. For instance, “Small” means it’s small. “Cabin” means it’s very small. And “Cozy” means it’s really, really small. So, here are a few terms, euphemisms and otherwise, to help you find the perfect home.
“Needs Your Touch” = “needs paint and flooring.”
“Needs TLC” = “needs work.”
“Needs Work” = “needs a lot of work.”
“Fixer-Upper” = “needs everything.”
“Contractor Special” = “consider tearing it down.”
“Quiet Neighborhood” = “maybe when school’s in session.”
“Lively Neighborhood” = “keep your door locked.”
“Nighttime Security” = “streetlights shine in your window.”
“Close to Schools” = “playground next door.”
“Close to Park” = “ball field next door.”
“Close to Sports” = “ball field with night games next door.”
“Close to Town” = “you’ll still have to drive there.”
“Central Location” = “no on-street parking.”
“Close to Transit” = “the bus stop is a block or two away.”
“Steps to Transit” = “the bus idles in front of your house.”
There may be more, but as I said, this is Spring, and . . . well, actually it’s April 1st!